August 31, 2009

Monday Morning Madness With Ed Williams!

I am very pleased to announce of the addition of a very special new feature here at my blog. It's called "Monday Morning Madness With Ed", and features my good friend Ed Williams, a Southern Outlaw Author and humorist.
By virtue of an agreement we negotiated, Ed will fill the next six months worth of Monday mornings with his humor. I think you'll like him!
Yes, you can thank me later (after you're done laughing) ... I'm totally serious! Ed's a Sweet Guy with a Big Heart! If you would like Ed to spot on your blog, Please hit the "Contact Me" button and I'll let you know how!
Without further Ado, Mr. Ed Williams...

“Le Poem De La Sweat"

I made a bad mistake a couple of weeks ago and got into a discussion about poetry with my good friend, columnist Amy Eason. Amy likes poems, and was telling me all kinds of stuff about them in an effort to convince me that I should like them as well. She was fighting an uphill battle because I typically don’t like poetry at all, in fact, the only thing I can imagine that’s worse than poems would be having Perry Como sing a few of them to me. Nonetheless, she made me promise that I would try to write one, and, that if I did, I’d come to understand just how rewarding composing them can be. Based on her powers of persuasion, and the added incentive of a twenty dollar side bet, I’m going to unveil my first, and I guarantee you, my absolutely last poetic offering. This tender epistle goes as follows:

Le Poem De La Sweat
I sit here at my keyboard fair,
Sweat beads streaking through my hair,
I just got home from working out at the gym,
In a very vain effort to get fit and trim.

I wonder why it has to be this way,
Joints a-hurtin’ and old legs that sway,
I’m breathing so hard, it’s like a monsoon,
I’m sure I could inflate a hot air balloon.

As I worked out, I looked all around,
Amazed at the different type people I found,
I cussed the skinny people who don’t break a sweat,
The more they eat, the thinner they get.
It doesn’t seem right, yet what can I do,
They’re still real skinny, but my stomach’s all goo.

And there’s a big guy, who’s puffing like me,
His sweatpants are too small, his gut I can see,
When he bends over to pick up some weights,
I think of full moons, the association I hate.

To my right is a lady, she works hard and tries,
No weight in her chest, but lots in her thighs,
She’s standing there eyeing the sit-up bench,
If she lays down on it, we may need a wench.

Right straight ahead is a real foxy mama,
Her tan lines remind me of the Bahamas,
Her work-out outfits couldn’t be more tiny,
If she makes a quick move, I might glimpse her heiny.

As for me, I’m on a Stairmaster,
A pretty good recipe for an impending disaster,
My legs are feeling like concrete poles,
If my brain were x-rayed, it’d be full of holes.

One minute goes by, then two, then three,
The water gods are all calling out to me,
My chest feels tight, my eyes feel glazed,
If I don’t throw up, I’ll be mega amazed.

Finally, I finish, and I can go home,
And sit my butt down, to finish this poem,
Amy, my dear, I enjoyed this plenty,
Now break out your purse and slip me that twenty.

Well, hmmmm. You know, I’ve gotta be honest here, Amy may be right. Poetry does bring out a tender, compassionate side within me that I never knew I had. To be totally truthful, I really struggled hard from an emotional standpoint while writing this poem, in fact, tears almost came to my eyes several times, but, I fought them off in order to do my literary duty. I guess I’ve sort of become a true Renaissance man, scripting out tender verses like these. It makes me feel pretty good inside, to tell you the truth. I would go further, and maybe get into some pretty heavy dialogue about philosophy or religion, but I can’t right now. I happen to be writing this on a Monday night, and RAW is WAR is about to come on. And, as we all know, even a true Renaissance man like me can’t miss out on seeing Triple H in action...

Thank you for being here Ed! It wouldn't be a Monday without you!!
If you like Ed, let him know! Leave a comment and I KNOW he'll get back to you! Enjoy the next six weeks and let me know..."Can we keep him? Can we? Can we .... Please...!"

"ChristmaSin'", his new Christmas novel, comes out in Nov. of '09!
Follow Ed on Twitter:


  1. I love Ed's sense of humor! Definitely keep him around.

  2. Kat, thank you, Amy is makin' me work hard for this spot, so your help is much appreciated!

    Smoochies darlin',


  3. Great or greatest? This guy is one of the two. Very funny stuff and as a guy with a couple extra pounds I can relate

  4. Matt, that was very kind of you, I already like it here at Amy's place!

    Thanks again,


  5. OMG - I just adore reading Ed's posts. His quirky sense of southern male humor really gets my day jumping.

    And that is why I got booted from my last gym - LOL. It wasn't guys like you Ed, got abso no issues with someone looking at what so ever - but jeepers - if I had to watch one more supermodelesque bean pole check herself in the floor length mirrors and say "dang I'm SOOOOO fat". I said, hell honey if you loose any more weight you'd be a boy with a cups - she got offended. Oops - oh well.

    Thanks for having him guest post Amy.

  6. Witch Baby, if you'll help get the word out and y'all talk to Amy, I'll hang out here for a long, long time. I like working with her, and you know I think you're hot and fun as hell to boot, so we could have a great, great time here each Monday.

    You look better than ever, I missed ya!



  7. Kat ~ Isn't he the best! OMG, He cracks me up!! Glad you enjoy him!

    Matt ~ Thanks for responding! Ed is a trip! Stick'll like him more and more...he definitely grows on you!

    Witch Baby! LMAO! YOU crack me up just as much!! I KNOW YOU LOVE ED. He'll be here every Monday Morning. You're ALWAYS welcome here!

    xoxo Amy (Park-Avenue Princess)

  8. Thanks Eddie. This is a great blog. Uh I almost put this is a great blob.


  9. Everyone in my office is wondering why I'm laughing so hard. I can't wait to show 'em your poem Ed!

  10. Susie, you're prettier than hell and a sweetie, too - thanks!



  11. does J. Kaye know about this? You might have some 'splainin to do. LOL

  12. Cute poem, Ed! It pretty much sums up my experience at the gym!

  13. Very funny! Thanks for the poetic verses Ed. AMY, KEEP THIS ONE!

  14. J.T, you are so baddddddddd. Pam, I already like you, so lust isn't too far away if you keep leaving me nice comments. And Bloody Bad, you are more than appreciated, in fact, I'm sending my first smoochies of the day straight to you!

    Thanks everyone!



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