I just wanted to let you know that this is an update on me and I've been putting it off for a while now. There are many reasons behind this. I don't like telling a whole lot about my personal life, but since I feel that you're all my friends and you all accepted me so graciously as a book blogger, (and I want you to know that the feeling is mutual), I am going to do exactly what I don't want to.
Thank you all for everything you've done, I appreciate it so very much. I am even trying to keep up with all that's going on, and it's getting harder and harder. My surgeries ( are coming up very quickly and I will be away again). My friends Dawn, Kim and Vanessa that helped me the last time, have stated that it was tough for them to keep this going, and would rather spend the time at the hospital with myself and my family. So, I will have to do the updates.
To be quite honest, I have held a lot in and it doesn't get easier. It gets scarier and it gets harder. I feel this is a post that should be in a personal blog and not a public one. One I write my feelings in or to myself. You don't have to respond, I know how you all feel. And I can't make this post really long, because I will probably just become upset. Sure, I've said before, that I wonder "why" and I guess there is a reason for everything. It just isn't easy to understand the reasoning sometimes. I know I don't.
I promised myself when I started writing this it wouldn't be an all out vent and I won't make it that. Just know that I'm not always happy and I try to make the most of each and every day. My doctor told me last night that at the end of the day if I can say "I did my best", than it was a good day. I don't know if I believe that yet, or ever will, but I'll try.
I don't understand a lot of things...why this would happen to "me". I mean, I'm not saying I'm any more special than anyone else this happens too, but I always thought I was doing the "RIGHT and GOOD" things we're supposed to do in life. And I'm sorry to be such a downer, because I love to blog and I love halloween (actually, there are too many things I love). I'm going to keep posting and I will have my friends and family. If I'm away for a bit, it's probably either a surgery, or I'm sick. Flu season is coming up soon and it's important that everyone (especially me) in my family get flu shots.
I certainly don't want pitty or worry, but I could use prayers and good thoughts. Thank you all for taking me in and being my friends. I do think about you all often and I will keep doing this as I am permitted to do so. I will also try to answer emails as often as I can. I am no longer able to review on the other sites I was trying to hold on and review for...so, now I will try to hold on to just my own.
Thank you for listening as always,
XXX - The Princess
Amy
I may regret writing all this later, but, the way that you've all been to me, means so much, I just wanted to let you know what was happening a little. Being depressed gets tough too. You know when it feels like it's raining day after day even when it's sunny? For those of you who don't...I do envy you and I hope and pray that you never will. Stay well and take care of each other.
Oh, one last thing. My little girlie girl dog Cassie, who I got as a gift when I first got sick, (she was 14) had to be put to sleep on Friday because she was ill. I didn't get to say good-bye to her either. I'm one of those people that love their pets like people. Other people like that will understand. She used to lick my tears and lay in a little ball on my bed at home. Very sweet and I will definitely miss her. (I know this is random, I really just needed to write it for me). xo
